Nothing to Say
by ahreej
Summary: Tenten says nothing, but they know it all. A Team Gai two-shot. Before and after war. Angsty. Tenten centric.
1. pre-war

This is the first fanfiction I've ever uploaded. Honestly no idea how this works, but I'm here for the journey of becoming a writer. I might turn this into a kunoichi series if I get enough reviews. Enjoy!

PS: If only Naruto were mine.

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On the night they fall apart, she is given a green vest to wear.

She had read in books what a great honor it usually meant, to be able to be called a jounin. She recalls the endless nights she had spent training for it, for this. Now, as she puts it on, just as she slides its cold fabric on, she wants it burned. What a shame, she thinks. What a shame we've come to this. What a shame that the first time she wears this token could be the last time she does.

Amidst the dread, the panic of a war about to start, she looks to her right, takes in the sight of her teammates. They look invincible. They look anything but scared. She wonders if she looks the same, and she does.

Seconds tick past. Enemies approach. Anytime now, everybody else murmurs. But they don't. Instead she kisses her sensei's forehead, a daughter's thanks to a father, but says nothing. Then she holds Lee's hand, the hand that took care of her, that cooked for her and comforted her and fought her countless times. And says nothing. She takes Neji's hand in her right one, and usually the feel of his calloused skin underneath hers, the huge size of his hand, would make her heart flutter. Now, her heart only sinks. And she says nothing.

She squeezes both hands, one of a brother who never gave up on her, on himself. The other of a prodigy who flew out of his cage, a teammate that grew to mean a little more to her than that. Not a teammate, not a friend, not even family. Just… something more. Something more that made her steady eyes wander not to meet his, that made her hands sweat although they never do even while holding deadly weapons. Something more.

Before they scatter, as she holds their hands and silently screams I believe in you. I love you. We'll live past this, as they stare ahead with brutality for the enemy and prayers for loved ones, they are once again Team Gai. They stand together, like they always have. The destiny of each seems just around the corner; each will fight on his own in just a few minutes.

She prays anyway. Please. Please bring them back to me. Please bring me back to them.

And they scatter. She loses the heat of their palms against her own. She wonders if she'll have it back once this is over.

…She doesn't.

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Please review!


	2. post-war

She searched for wild, green clothes and white eyes as soon as her last opponent crashed to the ground.

Tenten, holding her wounded arm with pride, wearing blood and sweat like war-paint, passed by dead bodies and stumbled over scattered weapons. The steel in her veins stained the steel in her hand as blood slid down her arm.

_Find them_, her heart pounded. _And then rest._

She passed by lifeless faces, white skin. The landlady, Ino's father, an academy teacher she used to hate. Most of the others she'd never seen, or couldn't recognize out of swollen bruises, and their unmoving bodies haunted her all the same.

"Be okay," she whispered out loud, hoping that smoke would carry out her voice to them. But she couldn't expect them to be fine when _she _wasn't—no one would be, not for a long time. "Be alive," she corrected.

And then she saw them. Lee, Gai sensei. One was kneeling, but they were there. She dropped her sword and ran, ran, ran. They made it, and so did Neji, right? Where was he, anyway? He should be nearby, probably fighting his heart out. They were okay, and for a moment, she was, too.

But then it hit her. Lee, kneeling down, holding a body. Dark hair spilling from between his fingers. Hinata's tears. When she made it to Lee, she wasn't running anymore. Time slowed down. Lee's shoulders shook but she heard no sobs. As a matter of fact, she heard nothing.

Neji. She only saw him.

He lay in Lee's arms, a sight too ridiculous for a prodigy like him. His eyes were blank, staring, unseeing. And was that blood? She wanted to laugh. This is no Neji. Neji doesn't bleed. He doesn't fall or let anyone touch him. Neji's eyes see _everything_. Neji cannot die.

Lee's sobs suddenly ringed in her head. She heard him call Neji's name, again, again, over again.

When she glanced at the others around them, waiting for them to tick out of it, to realize how ridiculous the concept was, her heart broke a little. Naruto, the loud, annoying Naruto, was as still as a stone. Gai… the man she looked up to, the man that taught her everything she knew, the man that was never serious, was frowning. The atmosphere around them reeked of death, but whose?

And she realized. When she looked back at Lee, saw his tears run still, it clicked. Neji was dead, gone. It suddenly wasn't so ridiculous anymore. It was scary, terrifying. Everything seemed so. The fact that Neji Hyuga died and so could she, the fact that his Hyuga eyes couldn't see shit anymore, the fact that no one would spar with her, or tease her, or make her doubt a hundred truths every time she caught him glance her way.

Lee cried his name once again. Neji. _Neji, you bastard_. Lee's shouts, again. Neji. _Lee, stop. Let me be angry at him_. Neji. _Stop. Get up._ Nej—

Her fist had scrunched the front side of Lee's clothes. She shook him. "Stop," she spat. His tears ran on. She pulled his shirt upward until he was standing, struggling to take Neji back in his arms.

"Stop," she yelled. And this time he did. "He's gone. Stop."

He started at her as she panted. After moments, he slapped her hands away from his collar. "I know he is." His voice shivered. "I am sorry."

No. No, this isn't Lee's fault. It's Neji's. He's the one who died.

But then Lee started wailing again. Her fist collided with his jaw. She wanted to throw another punch, to stop him, to show him they had to fight, war wasn't over just yet, but Gai's arms surrounded her and held her back. "What are you acting so dumb for?" she shouted at Lee, anger boiling her every organ. "He's not coming back. He left. He left us."

She kicked and punched, miserably trying to break free, but Gai's hold only tightened, and she suddenly didn't have the energy anymore.

Lee, however, was calm. She didn't understand. He should be angry, mad. Neji broke his promise. He left them. He died and left them because he decided to follow what was right for once.

'_I won't die, Tenten,_' he had said the previous night, after her voice accidentally wavered while talking of the day yet to come.

She had scoffed. '_You sound so sure._'

'_I am,_' he smirked. _Why, _she asked. He had looked at her for moments after, a look that made her stomach churn like it did when she had first met Tsunade. '_I'll live because I have got someone to live for._'

Her heart had skipped a beat. _Damn him. Damn him and his smirk and his stare_. He had always been a mysterious bastard. _He didn't mean you, Tenten,_ she told herself. And she wanted to believe it.

Now, as she relaxed in Gai's arms, as Lee came forward and hugged them both, she wanted to believe it still. She meant nothing to him, he meant nothing to her. But those were lies.

He meant everything to her. He meant teenage crushes, relieved hugs after a long mission, shy touches, stubborn affection. His gazes meant trust, belief in one another. His glares meant jealousy. She meant to him _something_. She knew that.

She allowed her teammates, those still standing, to cry on her tense shoulders. She hugged them and pretended to be fine, strong, strong. At least for now.

She stared at his weak body and felt pain eat at her nerves. She bent down and placed an angry kiss on his empty forehead, a thank you for the memories, a fuck you for leaving me.

Later, she will forgive him. She will be proud that he chose good over her, because she had spent a childhood trying to teach him to do that. She will lose years trying to fix her shaking hands and teaching herself how to cry again, how to laugh and _feel _without him there.

But now… now she fights.

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Making myself sad is the only thing I'm good at :(

Please Review!


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